📰 BREAKING: Steelers Acquire Jalen Ramsey…
…And within 24 hours, he’s sitting cross-legged in a locker room ayahuasca circle, chanting with Aaron Rodgers and DK Metcalf while passing around a sacred ochre-painted football.
Yeah. Welcome to Pittsburgh Zen Camp™.
🧘♂️ Day 1 and Ramsey’s already:
Purged his ego
Unlocked all 7 chakras
Heard the football whisper “cover 3” in ancient Sumerian
🔥 The locker room is dim.
The incense is strong.
Rodgers sips from a bubbling ayahuasca pot labeled “TRUST ME.”
Metcalf hasn’t spoken in an hour but is now fluent in dolphin.
There’s a campfire. Indoors.
🚪 Mike Tomlin opens the door just in time to watch his new All-Pro cornerback achieve spiritual oneness with the ball.
📌 Bottom line: Ramsey didn’t come to play.
He came to transcend.
Steel Curtain? More like Steel Spirit.