🎩🇬🇧 LIVE FROM WIMBLEDON
Where the grass is sacred, the strawberries cost £19.50, and a direct hit to the ocular socket is merely a minor inconvenience.
He took a 120mph ball to the monocle like a true gentleman — not a scream, not a whimper, just a slight twitch and a whisper:
“Marvelous backhand.” 🎾💥
Yes, there’s blood trickling down his cheek.
No, he will not be seeking medical attention.
His great-grandfather lost both eyes at the 1913 semis and still applauded with dignity. 👏😌
The lady beside him? Unbothered. Mildly annoyed the splash hit her scone.
“These seats are positively dreadful. We’re practically on the court,” she scoffs.
Some say Wimbledon is a sport.
We say it’s theatre. With cucumber sandwiches.
And occasional blunt force trauma.