🧛♂️ THE WAIVER WIRE VAMPIRE HAS STRUCK AGAIN 🧛♂️
It’s 2:59 AM. You’re sleeping peacefully.
He’s in a candlelit room, cloak on, fangs out, typing “Elijah Moore trending up?” into the search bar.
You woke up to:
Your top 3 waiver targets: GONE
A 9-paragraph group chat justification: ALREADY POSTED
A screenshot of projected points: ATTACHED WITH A GIF
This man doesn’t just set lineups. He haunts them.
He hasn’t watched a full game in 4 years, but somehow knows every 3rd-string running back in the NFC South.
He claims he “just happened to be up” — but has a blackout curtain and a backup generator… for fantasy emergencies.
💀 Sleeps in a coffin.
⚰️ Lives in the waiver queue.
🧠 Drafts like he’s dead, manages like Nosferatu.