🌭💥 BREAKING: MLB LEGENDS ABANDON BASEBALL TO PURSUE HOT DOG IMMORTALITY
McGwire and Sosa have officially traded dingers for dinners.
🚨 The Great Wien-Off of 2024 is not about home runs — it’s about how many processed meat tubes your colon can withstand.
👀 McGwire’s already on #57, chewing like it’s the bottom of the ninth and cholesterol is just a concept.
Meanwhile, Sosa’s sweating through his pinstripes like he’s rounding third base on a triple chili dog.
🎙️ “Forget the long ball — this one’s ALL BEEF!”
— said a guy with a straight face on national television while mustard analytics flashed behind him.
🏆 Mustard Efficiency: declining
🥴 Bloat %: off the charts
💥 Colon Compression Rate: [REDACTED]
If you thought the steroid era was wild, wait till you see the sodium era.
This is history. This is carnage. This is America.