📝 SCOUTING REPORT: WILLIE BEAMEN
(aka QB1 for the Miami Sharks, aka The Ladies’ MVP)
📍Name: Willie Beamen
🎤Nickname: “Steamin’ Willie”
🏈 Position: Quarterback
📈 Draft Status: Self-declared No. 1 overall pick in your girlfriend’s heart
🎭 Strengths:
-Elite improvisation
-Pocket escape artist
-Smoothest rollout since biscuit dough
-Commercial-ready charisma (now starring in every ad break)
-Accuracy goes up when the cameras are on
💔 Weaknesses:
-Might ghost your offensive coordinator
-Trust issues with offensive schemes
-Too busy adjusting his soundtrack mid-drive
-Will absolutely freestyle the playbook and make it work
🍓 Fun Fact:
Buddy Love wants Willie Beamen’s autograph!
📉 Coach’s Review:
“Uncoachable, uncontainable, and unbothered… but damn, he wins games.”
🚨 PROJECTION:
Future Hollywood biopic locked. QB rating? Unmeasurable. Swagger? Untouchable.