🚨 BREAKING: The NFL unveils its most advanced technology yet — the ROGER 3000.
A fully automated commissioner-bot designed to execute confusing rule changes, mumble about player safety, and fine people randomly… all without blinking.
👤 Fan: “Why did we move the kickoffs again?”
🤖 ROGER 3000: [spins up corporate firmware]
🔘 “PROTECT THE SHIELD™”
🔘 “SAY ‘PLAYER SAFETY’ IN MONOTONE”
🔘 “BLAME THE CBA FOR EVERYTHING”
🔘 “ENGAGE RANDOM FINE GENERATOR” 💸
🔘 “OVERRIDE PUBLIC OPINION WITH EMPTY WORDS”
🔘 “SUSPEND WITHOUT EXPLANATION” — just for fun.
In the background, charts rise and fall. Fan sentiment tanks. Viewership graphs spike (for some reason). The robots have taken over, and they brought spreadsheets.
Who needs transparency when you have PREPROGRAMMED BUZZWORDS?
Welcome to the new NFL. Where the kickoffs are meaningless, the answers are robotic, and the logic short-circuited years ago.